Regret

I placed the receiver down with trembling
fingers. I felt my heart pound unceasingly against my chest. The
tears that flew down my cheeks were hot and raw with emotion.
For some reason, guilt and hurt oozed out of my veins. How long
was it since I saw her? How long since I actually left aside my
busy schedule, picked up the phone and called to ask her if she
was alright? How long since I saw her face and felt the warmth of
her tender touch? How long did I let myself cry in front of her,
allowing her to block the flow of tears just like I did when I was in
high school?

When did I last wake up the sound of her
voice saying ‘’ PRABHU! BREAKFAST! ’’ And rush down stairs to
see the steam of the waffles rise up high in the air? How long
since I sat beside her and talked to her, even for just a few hours?
How long since I stared at her blank eyelids while she lay fast
asleep, and thank God for such a wonderful blessing? How long
since I heard her sigh while she hugged me so tight after my
journeys abroad? Three years. Three years since I last saw her
and three years since I felt all that. And now lying lifelessly in my
isolated apartment I realized it was too late. Too late to go back,
even for a day and ask for those moments and those lost feelings.

I sat up on my bed, and stared blankly at the
wall in front of me. The stinging of the veins on my head was in-
curable. I was in a slight state of shock and realized that the front
of my t-shirt was drenched in the tears that flew from my naked
eyes. And now I realized one more thing. I wouldn’t be able to see
her again. This time I had no voice at the back of my head saying
‘’ I have nothing to worry I am going to see her … in a month or in
a year’’ instead that voice was replaced by ‘’ I can never see her,
again...’’

Except this one last time… I walked to the hall
where her corpse lay. The whole crowd of mourners made way for
me. My gaze focused only on the person that was ahead of me. I
looked down upon her angelic face, took her hand and watched
my tears fall over her eyes. ‘’Forgive me mother’’ were the last
words my voice would ever whisper into her ears.


writing by maryam93
thanks indeed

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